An Opened Window

This is the day,
This is the day that the Lord has made,
That the Lord has made!
Let us rejoice,
Let us rejoice and be glad in it,
and be glad in it! -Psalm 118:24

I sing this song to Amos every morning when he rises and I take him from his bed.  It’s a song that I learned many moons ago in Sunday school and it just came to my lips one morning as I was picking him up .  It’s been a good reminder to me as Michael and I leave a season where we have struggled and reluctantly grown over the past year.  It was hard on us when Michael transitioned from Sojourn last May leaving behind a job/people that he loved to seek work outside of the church.  We both knew that it was time and our attitudes reflected it.   

We tend to do our transitions in twos; we got engaged and I resigned from the Kidney Foundation, we got married and I started working for House of Ruth, we got pregnant and Michael left Sojourn, we had a baby and Michael got a job, you see what I mean?  The past year has been a difficult one for us relationally and spiritually and it was easy to believe that we had been forgotten and we allowed ourselves to let the untruths around us sink in. 

On January 10th Amos arrived and he came in like a hurricane, hurricane Amos as his father would come to call him.  He has been a challenging baby to say the least.  The doctor diagnosed him with reflux and colic at three weeks and we thought that this would explain his inconsolable crying and grumpiness but it didn’t.  We tried the medicine, it didn’t work, I tried an elimination diet where I ate nothing but bread/water for several days and that definitely didn’t work because I was starving.  There was nothing that we could do to remedy the situation and what made it worse was that I had to return to work and Michael was left at home to care for our screaming newborn.  I sat in my office and sobbed frequently that first week and Michael spent his days exasperated and exhausted because Amos would cry all day.  We both understood immediately that it would be best for me to be at home.

I resigned my second day back at work and agreed to help with the transition and work from home until we found my replacement.  My fingers are crossed that I will be finished mid May.  Three weeks ago Michael was offered a job at Ikon and he accepted.  He started work there and then was offered a job as a copy writer for Amazon which he reluctantly accepted because a good friend got him the job at Ikon and he didn’t want to seem ungrateful.  Unfortunately, in order for our family to meet our monthly expenses, he just couldn’t turn down the Amazon offer.  Michael has had faith that we would be provided for all along but it was me who has wavered. 

It’s an interesting thing to go through the process of being sanctified (Definition of SANCTIFY 1: to set apart to a sacred purpose or to religious use : consecrate 2: to free from sin), the more we are made to suffer, the more we tend to rely upon ourselves or believe that we can carry our own burdens and somehow manage on our own. My heart has been filled with hurt for my husband over the past year when time and again he would interview for jobs only to get rejected,  I struggled with the physical pain that sometimes accompanies women during pregnancy and vomited and remained nauseous for four months and now I’m learning how to accept the life that I have with a fussy baby who has an extraordinary temper already.  I have more than once doubted that God has heard our groans of frustration and that he would redeem my heart and turn my bitterness into joy but thankfully I have a wonderful Godly husband to uplift and encourage me when I’m discouraged and he never gives up.  God is good for many reasons but for this one especially, he paired Michael and I together to grow in holiness and I never want to be without him.       

I try to remind myself of the little speckles of goodness that come in the middle of our hardships like when on the first full day that I was home with my Amos and he stared at me and smiled his big gummy smile all day and acted as if I had hung the moon or when I came home to find a package of love sent by a dear friend who had packed all of my favorites to travel hundreds of miles to greet me at the door because she couldn’t be here to tell me in person that having a new baby is hard.  I laughed hard when I found the contents (dried prunes, mother’s milk tea, Burt’s bees wax- some of my favorites but also some newbies that only a veteran mommy would know about that would come in handy) but also cried hard when I read the specific passages of scripture she had chosen to write out on note cards for me.  Thank you dear friend for remembering me and for loving me.  These are some of the little moments that have pointed me directly to the cross and I’ve needed them. 

Life is a continual struggle and I will keep singing this song to remind myself who is in control of my life and why I long for a day when there will be no more pain.

This is the day,
This is the day that the Lord has made,
That the Lord has made!
Let us rejoice,
Let us rejoice and be glad in it,
and be glad in it! -Psalm 118:24

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About Beth

I'm a woman striving to follow Jesus. I live in Louisville, KY with my handsome Michael and I am very thankful for the life that I have.
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One Response to An Opened Window

  1. Laura says:

    I love you so much dear friend!! :) The Lord is so faithful. And it has been a blessing to watch you grow through the struggles of the past year! The Lord will never give you more than you can bear!!

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